you know what's funny about lu han leaving? two nights ago, i decided to write a selu fic. and the first thing i typed was the part of the fic wherein sehun felt completely lost the moment lu han left him. it's funny how coincidental things are, but i can't seem to laugh or smile at it now.
to be completely honest, i may have felt betrayed from start after reading the company's statement. but after looking at the whole picture, i respect lu han and his decision to leave. he has recently been skipping out on concerts due to health problems, and if that wasn't a sign that the company wasn't taking good care of him then i don't know what else to look for.
exo-m respected the choice he made. i'll admit i found sehun to be butthurt about it while yixing, being the polar opposite, supports lu han and even his fans. i may have cried for about fifteen minutes, but i now accept lu han's decision wholeheartedly.
lu han's finally home. i couldn't be more thankful for that, he now has the time to be happy. it's sad that i won't get to see him as often, but as long as i know that he's healthy and contented, i'll truly be grateful.
and on the tenth day of the tenth month, there were only ten.
(i would just like to let out all my feelings regarding this issue. everything written here is based on my personal opinion, and isn't supposed to be taken as an objective view.)
it was an afternoon wherein our internet connection was being absolutely shitty and i got a text from a dear friend of mine telling me that baekhyun and taeyeon are now a thing. i couldn't open the article immediately since the connection was unstable, but i was delighted. i was happy. but then came evening, i opened twitter and saw fandom drama yet again. innocent oreos were being crushed for some sort of representation and symbolism of their broken hearts and their own form of rebellion. fans were on the verge of leaving the fandom, with some directing so much hate to either taeyeon or baekhyun or just pent up emotions from the past events. and i guess i needed to let my opinion out.
first of all, they are just humans. they have emotions, they have feelings, just like us. idols aren't robots, even with the fact that they seem nearly perfect with the layers of make-up and the stage lights. they have the freewill to get attracted to other human beings, just like us. i know that they try their utmost best to make us feel wanted, to give us happiness, and to be in a position where the fans are the priority because us fans are the ones who can make them strive better. but they aren't programmed to do things for our own satisfaction, they make a few mistakes here and there and it's not like they think about what matters to us every single second of their lives. they can't please everyone, just like any human being.
they made us happy, shouldn't we let them be happy too? they make a fool of themselves on variety shows to make us laugh. they practice day and night for their performances to make us proud. they film all sorts of interviews and shows to able to connect with us and reveal a piece of themselves for us. they do all these things for us, no matter how sleep-deprived they are, no matter how tired they are. i think it's fair that we let them do what they want because they have done so much for us ever since. don't make them apologize for falling in love with someone else other than yourself. i honestly don't see why a person should be sorry for being with someone who doesn't belong to anyone else in the first place.
but some are hurt, i get it, i really do -- so just cry it out. it hurts because you loved them so much and it's hard to let them go. it hurts because it's hard to see them so happy without us fans in the picture. it hurts because the gifts you gave to him with your heart on the line, he might just end up giving it to her in the end. as opposed to this, it wouldn't probably hurt as much if he shares the gifts with the other members, with other boys from other groups. but it would hurt if he shares it with a girl, wouldn't it? that's because you thought he belonged to us. our affection just skyrocketed enough to build this perception that he's ours to begin with, we built this expectation that he will be strong enough to handle the hard times just by knowing that we're here for him. it's almost as if the fans aren't good enough for all the support we give. we felt so small, unappreciated, and even replaced -- and it does fucking hurt if you think about it that way. but sometimes we aren't strong to enough to lift the ones who we've been supporting from afar, with our voices unheard and our feelings unknown. so just cry it out -- it isn't immature to cry about people who don't know us, it's just that sometimes we need a release. we can be bitter, we can be butthurt, but talking shit about idols and making them feel bad isn't gonna make us feel any better. this can make us feel stronger, trust me.
despite all the drama, others think that this is just another sm publicity stunt. maybe it will make the fans forget about the previous issue which involves a member leaving and a lawsuit, but the only thing for sure is we do not know the truth. no matter how many assumptions we make and how much evidence supports those said theories, we are nowhere near the truth. the best thing we could do is to hope that all the rumors aren't as bad as they seem in reality. who knows, it might be fake or they might really be in love? don't be swayed by hearsay so easily.
because of all the things that has happened, some are leaving the fandom. let me just put it out here that i have left the fandom and came back pre-overdose era. i left because i thought i could invest my time in other interests other than kpop, but i still came back in the end knowing that these boys and being part of a fandom are the things that can truly make me happy. leaving a fandom just because of the shitty events is like breaking up with someone because of a petty argument. it's too abrupt. the "jonghyun and sekyung" dating issue has left a big impact on me as a fan when i was a hardcore shawol. i didn't leave because of that, i drifted away from them when my otp has sunken down. i was tired of the forced concepts and i was too distracted by other interests, which eventually degraded my shawol status to a casual shinee listener. so in this fandom, stay for a while, and when it gets too tiresome and it converts the good vibes to bad vibes, then that's the time to give up. and when you do leave, don't say shit about the fandom. don't bear grudges against anyone or any event, just leave in peace.
being in a fandom is tiresome, but rewarding in a way. normal people who aren't part of any sort of fandom wouldn't understand this, but to be in a fandom is to be emotionally attached to people who are out of our grasp. we invest our time and our feelings just for these boys, we get sleep-deprived, our wallets go empty, and we make all sorts of sacrifices even though they don't know our existence as a person. we're just part of the collective group they never forget to mention: fans. but we still love them even though they don't know us. why? because it makes us happy, it bring a sense of fulfillment to be able to connect with them in any way possible. it brings us to tears just to see them winning an award because we know that one way or another, they made it that far because of our support, no matter how tiny the effort is. being in a fandom is indeed hard, but nevertheless, it makes me happy. and for me, that is more than enough.
i am basically withering inside because 7AM CLASSES AND SWIMMING FOR PE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WILL I EVEN SURVIVE MY SECOND YEAR IN COLLEGE HELP PLS SOMEONE HELP ME
DRAMATICAL MURDER IS A GAME THAT MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL SO I'D GIVE IT TEN OUT OF FIVE STARS. sighs.
Another BL visual novel by Nitro+Chiral
, DRAMAtical Murder is set in Midorijima, with Aoba Seragaki
as the game's protagonist. Aoba works in Heibon Junkshop and resides in the Old District, a less extravagant place compared to Platinum Jail which is some advanced, upscale area owned by Toue Inc. He owns a very cute and fluffy Allmate named Ren
, who serves as his companion and somewhat guide throughout the game. There are five routes
: Koujaku's route, Noiz's route, Mink's route, Clear's route, and the True Route that can only be unlocked after playing the first four.( a review of the game hihihiCollapse )DRAMAtical Murder
, emphasis on the ///drama///, is one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride for me. Starry Sky ~In Spring~
was the very first visual novel I've played. I also played Togainu No Chi
, coming from Nitro+Chiral too, though I never really finished it. I did base my expectations on the mentioned visual novels and prepared myself for what I'm getting myself into. I'm pretty sure either my preparations were just plain lousy or that this game definitely
raised the bar for the future visual novels I'd get my hands on. ((I'd pretty much cry while watching the upcoming anime if they do a good job on following or even piecing together all the elements of each route throughout the series.)) This game was totally worth it. ♥
even though i survived hell week, i know that i won`t be able to post here that much. so. yeah.
i`ll miss you guys. ;A; huhuhu. be back whenever. :3 ( oh, i`ll occasionally post fics. okay. )
hi everyone~ ! it`s already January 1, 2012 here. idk if it`s already new year there in your place, but i`ll greet you guys anyways. :3HAPPY NEW YEEAARRR ! ♥
let this year be full of awesomeness
to all my lj friends, i am sooo thankful
that i have met you guys, no joke. ♥
even though we don`t speak much, and i`m rarely super duper active here, i still treasure
you guys with all my heart
. :")thank you for a wonderful 2011.